Improvised Masturbation With Household Objects and Better, Sexier Alternatives #1

May 23, 2013

So I was in bed at 5 AM, lying there thinking about sticking razors in my pussy, like you do.

It occurred to me that I probably would have had much safer sexual experiences when I was exploring sexually as a young person if someone had just given me the right dildo. Why do I say that? Well for starters, the horrible shit that went down in Texture Fiend never would have happened.

This series of blog posts will share some popular household items that I may or may not have tried to put in my vagina, and here are some delicious dildo alternatives to sate your foreign-objects-in-your-orifice desires without the risk of harm.

First up:

I have inserted disposable razor handles.

How: With the safety cap on.

Why: Straight, safety cap was never in the way, deliciously textured, very thin (which I felt that I needed at the time).

Where: Vagina and anus

Do I recommend: NO. Especially not anally. The safety barrier for the razor-y part of the razor could have been pushed off at any time, and as someone who has snipped her labia while trimming her pubic hair, I can assure you that YOU DON’T WANT CROTCH CUTS. And as for the anus… yes, the razor’s head does flare out much like the base of a dildo or butt plug would, but honestly, I just wouldn’t risk PUTTING A RAZOR IN YOUR ASS.