I’ve Got A Secret…

Tantus fangirl #14,948 reporting for duty.

Why do I like Tantus?

Because their silicone is awesome.  I consider many of their products to be inventive.  I like their packaging.  In my limited experience, they’ve shipped promptly and their customer service is pleasant.  So naturally, when Goodvibes was offering the Orange Dream, also known as Tantus’ “Little Secret” Spoon, I was all over that.

I mean, come on.  Look how adorable that is.  It’s orange!  It’s small!  It’s twee!  “Cute” isn’t something I tend to look for in a vibrator, because I generally search for something under the “induces flash floods” category.  However, cute definitely doesn’t hurt, and this vibrator manages to be cute without invoking imagery of some fuzzy animal that does NOT belong in the same sentence as “cunt.”

Did I mention it was orange?

IT’S ORANGE.

Sorry about that.  Sometimes my overwhelming desire to have a rainbow toybox completely overrides the portion of my brain that types my reviews.

Moving on, this vibrator is of an incredibly unobtrusive size, and could, theoretically, be stuffed in even the smallest purse… if you ignore the fact that silicone desperately wishes that lint, dust, and hair could become part of its chemical composition.  (However, this is totally irrelevant if you’ll have access to a place to wash your vibe before you play with it.)  I took a photo of it next to my Droid X, which isn’t known for being the smallest phone, but fits in all of my pockets.  If the Orange Dream had calling capabilities, it would be a hell of a lot less of a pain to tote around than my phone.

Tantus’ description of the Orange Dream says that it is “the perfect little G-spotter.”  I don’t know who wrote that, but I want to pee on them.  If this vibrator hits your G-spot, you let me know.  I stuck it in me and was summarily… unimpressed.  This wasn’t made to go inside those of us who tackle things like the Jollie on a regular basis.  If it was knocking on my G-spot’s door, then my G-spot was in the shower, blasting music at several hundred decibels, while construction raged on outside.

The Orange Dream is really just a silicone sleeve over one of Tantus’ 80mm bullet vibrators, which runs on N-type batteries.  The 80mm is actually reasonably powerful, for a bullet… it’s the sleeve that’s the problem.

I know Tantus does silicone.  I know that some women prefer to place a towel between themselves and their vibrator… but usually, those women are using a Hitachi.

I want to like this vibrator.  I do!  It’s precious!  All of them are!  (Yes, I –did- just make each word into a separate link.)  But the Orange Dream just isn’t doing it for me.  I used it so many times and was disappointed each time… I mean, even the least demanding vibrator can make me come eventually, if paired with some other kind of stimulation.  This wasn’t even doing that for me.  The sleeve diffuses the vibrations so much that it’s… kind of appalling, to be honest.  You wouldn’t think the bullet was very powerful, if you didn’t know that you could take it out.  The thing is, I think the stimulation is supposed to be diffused, since the head is rounded and angled.  That’s cute on my nipples or whatever, but my clit doesn’t want diffusion!  MY CLIT WANTS TO BE JACKHAMMERED.

The sleeve also doesn’t diffuse the volume of the bullet very much.  This isn’t entirely necessary, because it isn’t incredibly loud, but it’s like… if all the sleeve does is diffuse the vibrations and not the noise, why am I using it?  Keep in mind that this is simply the Orange Dream model – the others all have different shapes, and Bedroom Blogger loved the Touch.

However, I just didn’t love this.   It’s amazing Tantus silicone.  It’s orange!  It’s small.  It’s waterproof.  It’s cute.  But it isn’t for me.  It’ll get someone off… if they orgasm at the touch of a butterfly’s wing.  But as far as I’m concerned, the only thing it can do for me is this:

Many thanks to Goodvibes for providing me the Orange Dream for review and use as party entertainment!