The Rippler
This hulking beast is the Rippler Silicone Dildo from Goodvibes, and if you’re anything like me, the first thing you did when you saw it was gird your loins. I’ve testified about my love of texture in the past, so it was sort of a given that when Goodvibes offered it up for review, I was all over this thing. Look at it! That majestic curve! Those pronounced ridges! That attractive berry hue that satisfies my cravings for stuffing a wine-covered cock inside me!
Okay, on a serious note, here is the beast itself. It’s massive, isn’t it? Longer than the Jollie, though not as girthy as its widest point. However, don’t let this fool you. This dildo is by no means inferior to the Jollie; just different. Those ridges are a thing of beauty, and they’re not to be taken lightly.
Really: this is not a warm-up dildo. In fact, if you’re not hot and ready, it might be a mite bit uncomfortable, even if you’ve liberally applied the lube. If you haven’t “pregamed” and you opt to slather the Rippler down with lube, you’re in for a couple minutes of something conflicting. I mean, it’s not that it doesn’t feel good – it does! But in those first minutes, it also feels a bit uncomfortable. You know those curling irons that your tween sister has, with the spiral around the rod? It feels like that, without the moral dilemma of shoving something that doesn’t belong to you in your vag.
No, the Rippler is not your mother’s warm-up toy… instead, it is what you pull out when you’re craving the big guns. You’ve been wet and warm for hours? Back away from the foot massager and dig this out of your toybox instead. After those first few minutes of use, the magic starts. You can feel those ridges, and soon, they worm their way into your heart. I may or may not have given each individual ridge a name, although I tend to forget them when the sensation blends into one massive, fast-thrusting, ripple-y hurricane. There’s probably some G-spot stimulation at the eye of the hurricane, but I don’t tend to concentrate on that specifically, because I have a tendency to get swept away. [Cue the appropriate music.]
Most people probably can’t shove the entirety of the Rippler’s length into their vaginas, but that’s okay – the extra length can be very handy for thrusting, and on the off chance that you DO happen to like having your cervix knocked around by a battering ram, then cramming the whole thing in is perfect for you! The Rippler is safe for anal use, but I can’t tell you how far in it will go, because my asshole tightens up like a nun’s whenever I consider putting this thing near it.
If you don’t like texture, this isn’t for you. If you like texture but cannot under any circumstance handle girth, then this isn’t for you – the thing has a diameter between 1 5/8 and 1 7/8 inches. If neither of these caveats apply to you because you love texture and girth, and you can shell out the $60 necessary for it, then you don’t have an excuse not to own this dildo.
This baby is harness-compatible, although you may need a larger O-ring, due to its girth. My harness, the Spareparts Joque, doesn’t have an exchangeable O-ring, but with a bit of patience and steady shoving, it fits!
The Rippler comes in three different colors – an attractive emerald green, a chic black, and the metallic purple, which is the color that I have. The purple is a very attractive wine color, so I have a tendency to leave it sitting out on my desk. This isn’t solely because I’ve been formulating this review for weeks, nor just because I like making my guests uncomfortable… no, I like to keep the Rippler within reach for when one of my moods strikes me. In addition to being fabulous to stick in my cunt, it’s an excellent bludgeoning tool. I confess: I probably beat it on my desk more often than I masturbate with it. It’s not that I don’t like it… it’s that the thing is so goddamn sturdy that when some act of blatant bigotry has thrown me into a mini-rage, the safest thing for me to smash is this dildo. You cannot break it. It is the firmest silicone toy I own, and manages to maintain that without sacrificing flexibility.
The Rippler has Goodvibes’ Ecorotic seal, because it is phthalate-free (and body-safe in general) and made in the U.S., ensuring a lower carbon footprint. So go buy one and feel good about doing some tree-hugging with your self-loving.
Thank you, Goodvibes, for providing me with the Rippler to use as an eco-friendly gavel! (And occasionally, to use for fucking myself into Oz.)
