The Mighty Mini-Mite

I feel like I have a reputation among the people I fuck.  I know it’s total bullshit, but I feel like, if they could all clock one another on the street, they’d start whispering as I passed, “Hey, look, there’s the girl who can’t come.  Did she go for you?”  They would compare notes, and ultimately decide that I was just frigid.  My sex toys almost certainly have passed this judgment on me.  I feel like they crowd together in their little red box, whispering lies and slander, trying desperately to come up with outrageous reasons for why they all came up short compared to my right hand.

It’s not like I’m nonorgasmic.  I have orgasms.  I love orgasms!  It’s just that, for five years, I hadn’t orgasmed without manually rubbing my clitoral shaft with my right hand.  It didn’t work when other people tried.  The fact of the matter is that up until last week, I hadn’t had an orgasm that I hadn’t provided a little bit of assistance with in five years.  (And I’d only had two before that.)

Enter the Mini-Mite.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking.

It’s day-glo orange.

That wasn’t my choice, but I don’t even care.  This little sucker got me off.  It could be the most vomitous shade of chartreuse on the planet, and I would still shove it between my legs.  (Although I suppose some might argue that I would shove anything between my legs.)  The color on mine was random, because it came as part of a toy bundle, but I think they also make it in purple and pink.  It only has two settings: off and awesome.  I’m okay with that.  If it only takes one speed to get me off, why should I complain?

I took it for three spins.

Trial Run #1:
The vast majority of my masturbation with this sucker was all clitoral.  I watched some of the hottest segments of The Crash Pad while using this thing, ejaculated a little bit along the way (when I ejaculate clitorally, I don’t tend to have an actual orgasm), and after that, opted to shove my jackrabbit inside me to speed things along.  It was the first “hands-free” orgasm I’ve ever had.

Trial Run #2:
I sat around watching an assortment of free internet porn for an hour and a half with this thing buzzing away on my clit, and ejaculated about four times, but couldn’t have anything that felt remotely like an orgasm for the life of me.  Because I was menstruating and wasn’t in the mood for clean-up, I didn’t put anything inside me so that I could actually get off.  I’ll admit, I was a bit disappointed.

Trial Run #3:
Fresh off the crimson wave, I sat down with an episode of Device Bondage featuring Tacori Blu (who I’ve decided that I don’t enjoy watching), my jackrabbit between my legs, a bullet wedged against my perineum, and the Mini-Mite on my clit.  I also opted to give my brand new bottle of Wet Platinum some use, and it was a thing of beauty.  With a little bit of positioning, the Mini-Mite hits all the right spots, and I was generally able to hold it there with my thighs.  I had another fantastic “hands-free” orgasm, complete with ejaculation – in not one, but two bursts!  It felt so good that I was able to excuse the fact clean-up from the entire episode took over 20 minutes.  (Showering, toy cleaning, trying to dab off the mattress and hanging the blanket I was sprawled out on.)

Now, that I’ve raved about the good, I’ll offer up the ugly truths about this thing.

There’s a problem with the “multiple heads” idea.  They don’t all stay on properly.  I find that the more textured heads are very secure when you attach them, but the two that are more smooth don’t want to stay on at all.  The smoothest, which is just a little rounded cap, won’t even give the ILLUSION of sitting securely on top of this thing.  It’s like the MiniMite is forbidding me from making a “boring” choice.  The semi-smooth head would attach, and it seemed like it was somewhat secure, but it had a tendency to come off between my labia whenever I moved the vibe.  Because the sensation of rubbing a porcupine over my clit isn’t doing it for me, the MiniMite now spends the bulk of its time without a head, which may not exactly be as the manufacturers intended, but is about the only way it’s coming anywhere near my clitoris.

In terms of powering it, don’t get me started on the battery compartment on this thing.  I initially assumed that I had been shipped a busted product, because it looked like there was no way in hell it was ever going to work.  I couldn’t figure it out when I took it out of the box.  Don’t misunderstand me – I was able to open it up, but I put the battery (one AA) in and tried to turn it on, and NOTHING HAPPENED.  I resorted to thrusting it at my best friend so that she could make it work.  At one point, I thought we broke it, because one of the battery contacts came off and just floated around inside loosely.  The only thing I can figure is that it wasn’t working because I was turning it the wrong way when I was attempting to turn it on.  I know it sounds absurd.  Believe me, it makes no sense.  I’m not technologically-challenged in the slightest.  I can program a fucking VCR.  I can figure out how to work your new digital camera before you do.  But for some reason, a $20 vibrator stumps me.

In general, the clean-up isn’t much of a chore for me, but I also haven’t been using the heads.  I can’t imagine that the spikiest heads would be much fun to clean at all.  The top half of the device does have some seams that have trapped a bit of gunk that I can’t get out with a wipe, the sink, or a Q-tip, so I’ll be taking a toothbrush to it the next time I’m cleaning my toys.

The Mini-Mite probably isn’t the best toy out there, but it definitely isn’t the worst.  It stimulated me more than a standard two-speed bullet does, so that’s a point in its favor.  It generally seems priced at around $20, but mine came free in a kit with three other toys that I bought from Amazon, and it seems to pop up in a lot of sex toy bundles.  My Mini-Mite was made by Mind Body Source, and if (when?) it dies, I probably wouldn’t bitch too much about replacing it.