Sugarcunt’s Blowjob Lessons 1
Back in 2011, I reviewed Jack’s Blowjob Lessons with a small cadre of blogger pals. It was as terrible as expected, and also so much more terrible on levels I didn’t even expect. The one thing I knew was, Jack Hutson didn’t give anyone any advice on how to give a good blowjob that couldn’t have been found printed on a popsicle stick. Now, a decade later, I am the King of Blowjobs, I have wrested Jack Hutson’s iron throne of sloppy dicks from his cold, sticky claws, and I’m finally going to write the blowjob guides the internet deserves, but without the dated misogyny, cissexism, racism, homophobia, and whorephobia that Jack offered.
Since this is a long endeavor, this will be a series of posts. How long? I don’t know, stick around and find out. I know far too much about sucking dick to cram into one blog post. Only 2% of y’all would have time and attention span to read it if I did! (No judgment; I wouldn’t have the attention span to read it in one go, either.)
The Very Basics You Should Know
Everyone is different!
Human bodies and preferences are wildly diverse, so it’s important that you take all advice here as it’s given: with the disclaimer that YMMV (your mileage may vary). You may never fellate someone who likes teeth, ball-fondling, or a loose grip. You may fellate people who like all of these things under different circumstances. Some people may have super sensitive heads, or general desensitization in their genital region. There’s nothing wrong with any of these things; they just simply are. To learn more about your partner’s preferences, ask! You can make it sound sexy. Here are a few examples:
- “Do you like it when I _____?”
- “Does this make you feel good?”
- “Do you want me to ____?”
- “Does it turn you on when I _____?”
- And let’s not forget the ever-important, “Do you want more?”
Erections are strictly optional
Just because a penis isn’t erect doesn’t mean it isn’t receiving pleasure. There are myriad reasons someone’s penis may not be erect during the entirety (or any) of your blowjob, and they’re all okay. It’s nobody’s fault if an erection goes away; they can be fickle, especially with age! You can suck a soft dick. I think it has incredible mouthfeel, and highly recommend giving it a try. There are a lot of fun things to do with a soft cock that a hard penis doesn’t allow, especially if you can get it into your throat.
Everyone who’s ever given a blowjob was also a beginner at one point
None of us emerges, as Athena, whole from Zeus’ skull with all the knowledge and skills we’ll ever want or need. It’s OKAY not to know everything. It’s okay if every blowjob isn’t the best one you’ll ever give. It’s okay if your partner doesn’t orgasm, or doesn’t want to orgasm. The point of this is mutual pleasure; if you’re too anxious about doing well to enjoy yourself, you’ll both feel the tension. Talk to your partner about what works and doesn’t work for them, and learn from that! Let them know that you’re enthusiastic and want to be receptive to their feedback. Which brings us to…
Communicate to truly impress your partner
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone on a date with someone who didn’t take feedback when during sex with me. I’ve been straight-up ignored by a dude who spent an hour between my legs, and I didn’t have a single orgasm because he didn’t listen to what I had to tell him about how to pleasure me. Communication isn’t just crucial for consent; it’s helpful for learning your partner’s likes and dislikes, and collecting more data for your oral sex technique.
More Than Suck’n’Blow
You’ll last longer with practice and stretching
The locked-up jaw is the worst enemy of anyone giving head. If you don’t suffer from medical conditions that would render it otherwise, you’ll typically find that you’re able to fellate someone longer as you get more regular practice. Protip: Add stretching your jaws and lips into your regular routine, and warm up before the BJ by opening and closing your mouth as wide as possible, or by holding your mouth with a tight, O-shaped embouchure like you would around a clarinet or sax mouthpiece… or, y’know, a dick.
To improve your deep-throating, learn to relax the throat
There are two muscles on both ends of the underside of the jaw, where it meets the throat. Hold your fingers around that area and yawn a few times – each yawn flexes the muscles, enabling you to pinpoint them. Now practice flexing those muscles yourself! It takes a bit of practice, but when you relax those muscles, your throat has so much more room for dick.
To see where these muscles are on video, click through to the tweet below, where I demonstrate this process:
[NSFW: blowjob vid]… …
— SugarCunt ???? they/them (RT pinned!) (@SugarCunt) February 14, 2021
My stunt cock & I are here to help beginners improve with a quick blowjob tip:
Here's how to find muscles you hone to deep throat like a champ.
This is the only Valentine's gift y'all get from us today while we're still home-hunting.
Have fun! ???? pic.twitter.com/ImO8DpnTel
Don’t be afraid to integrate more than the penis and mouth
I’ve met people who thought a blowjob wouldn’t count if they used their hands. NOPE! If your mouth is on a penis, it counts – your hands can be involved too! Here’s some fun things to do with your hands while you’re sucking dick:
- Stroke the shaft when it isn’t in your mouth
- Fondle, cup, or even very gently squeeze the testes, if present
- If butt stuff is on the table, let there be butt stuff.
- If your mouth isn’t on the penis for any reason, your hands can be – you can use both to work the shaft and/or massage the head. Hit up the tweets linked below to view two bite-sized video lessons demonstrating some fun hand techniques:
[NSFW CW: handjob… …]
— SugarCunt ???? they/them (RT pinned!) (@SugarCunt) February 20, 2021
Some fun 2-hand techniques to use in handjobs.
I recommend very slick lube for this,
silicone or a lasting hybrid lube is ideal if you'll be down there a while. pic.twitter.com/nlbutBFAqM
NSFW CW: blowjob… …
— SugarCunt ???? they/them (RT pinned!) (@SugarCunt) February 20, 2021
This is one of my go-to 2-handed grips when I'm giving head.
Pay attention to your partner's feedback to ensure the cock-ring grip is comfy. pic.twitter.com/zoOWYbb9zd
It’s been real, it’s been fun, it’s been real fun, but apparently I’m notorious for infodumping excessively long how-tos, and I’m trying to break that habit. Stay on the lookout for more techniques discussed in Sugarcunt’s Blowjob Lessons 2, be safe, and have fun!
