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Fat Sex Toy Recommendations

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I asked the lovely denizens of Twitter to ask me some fat sex/sex toy questions, because there’s nothing I love more than ensuring my fellow fatties are living easy and gettin’ sleazy.

One of the biggest fatphobic myths in society is that fat people don’t have sex. That’s deeply incorrect, and the sex toy industry is finally catching on to the fact that fat customers want products to meet our needs and come in sizes accessible to us, and our money is worth as much as everyone else’s (even though we’re paid less and stripped of all humanity by doctors, strangers, family, and peers).

The first set of questions I got were expected, because I’ve struggled with these same questions as well, but I still wasn’t prepared for how much time I’d spend making suggestions!

The big 4 fat sex questions I’m here to help with today:

  1. Where can I get a strap-on harness that fits my needs?
    1. List of options by measurement
  2. What toys can help with my reach during masturbation?
  3. What kind of positions or positional aids can help my partner and I achieve our goals during sex?
  4. What are your favorite books about fat sex (fiction or non-fiction)?

Plus-Sized Strap-on Harnesses

My beloved strap-on harness is a SpareParts Joque – I’ve had mine a decade, and it’s never steered me wrong for using penis-shaped insertables. It is jockstrap-style, and the waist belt on the Size B fits up to 65″, which accommodates me adequately since I’m pear-shaped.

The biggest bummer about the Joque is that it probably won’t be great for very large or fantasy insertables – the O-ring is inside the fabric of the crotch, so it isn’t interchangeable for toy size. I can squeeze some girthier toys through the ring with some effort, but the larger sizes of toys, particularly fantasy toys with knots, may not fit through it at all – the O-ring diameter is 2″, circumference 3.92″-6.28″, and it’s tight and not very stretchy. Also be aware that the sizing for this harness is NOT consistent across all of SpareParts’ models, particularly the underwear-style harnesses – always check the measurement guide!

If SpareParts’ style does interest you, they have a model called “The Deuce” that I think would be super fun for double penetration (it’s got two holes!) but also just offers a larger O-ring than the Joque if you select the “Deuce Magnum” sizing option. You can always opt to use one hole instead of both.

The larger-diameter second hole is able to accommodate toys of 2″-2.37″ diameter/6.28″-7.46″ circumference. Definitely take note that the sizing instructions tell you to measure your hips (despite calling it a “waist band”), as it fits up to 65″ hips.

Small fats might like SpareParts’ underwear styles, but so far, I haven’t seen one with a measurement chart that would work for my big fat ass, so I’ve got ZERO input on that. I do wish those cute masc and femme undies were available to those of us with larger hip measurements than 56″.

If you have wider hips than waist, look at “high-ride” harnesses – they will typically highlight the waist measurement required rather than hips. (A few harnesses that will clearly fit as low ride give you a waist measurement, but that is a facsimile of a sham – if the band is clearly riding below the hipbone like Christina Aguilera’s jeans in 2001, but they give you a waist measurement, proceed with the utmost skepticism – measure your hips too.)

I find that even if a thin mannequin is wearing a waist-measurement harnesses and it seems low, if the strap in the back looks like I can maneuver it up around my waist and keep my dick where I want it, it’s a decent candidate for waist fit.

“Low-ride” harnesses ask you to consider your hip measurement, which can be a big ask if you have huge hips like I do, but for people with thicker waists than hips, can be a more accessible option as long as the harness fits firmly enough that it won’t slide down your legs.

Plus-Size Harnesses With Interchangeable O-Rings

Hips up to 82″

Hips up to 72″
(Sportsheets broadly claims: ‘fits size 12 – 30’)

Hips up to 65″

Waists up to 59″

Plus-Sized Harnesses Without O-Rings

Waists up to 65″

  • The Joque (Size B! But remember – this does not use interchangeable O-rings, you’re limited to 2″)

Hips up to 65″

  • The Deuce (Deuce Magnum option is better for larger toys!)

SheVibe has more offerings of plus-sized harnesses from 49″ – 82″, although as far as I can tell, the Curvy Collection Divine Harness I linked here is the only 82″ option. Many of the options run to at least 60″-65″, and many of Sportsheets’ offerings specifically go up to 72″.

What if my strap-on is huge?

Generally, for large and fantasy toys, you’ll be best served by wearing harnesses with interchangeable O-rings, as that’ll give you some flexibility for toy size, then you have to find different O-rings that stand a snowball’s chance in hell at accommodating that glorious fantasy girth. Silicone also typically has some stretch to it, so you may find that you can stretch it a bit beyond the expected measurement. This set of 5 fits toys up to 2.5″.

Toys that Improve Reach Accessibility

The We-Vibe Moxie

The Moxie is a “panty vibe” that can magnetically clip into your undergarments. Unlike most panty vibes I sold working sex toy retail, the Moxie demonstrates reasonably impressive power, and the ability to clip to any set of underwear really stands out compared to most panty vibes forcing you to buy a shitty size 8 pocket thong required to use the toy at all. Being remote and app-controlled means once you’ve clipped it into your garments, reach will cease to be an issue when you’re in the moment.

The Wet For Her Toy Four

The Toy Four is one of my favorite toys to use with my T-rex arms. I hold the end of the toy intended to be worn by the penetrating partner and use it as a handle – it’s perfect. I wrote a whole review about it. Is it what they had in mind? No, but it WORKS. This toy also has a hole for a bullet vibe, so you can lube that sucker up and pop one of those RO-80mm vibrating bullets or the We-Vibe Tango into it for added effect.

Tantus Handle Toys

The Echo Handle and Anaconda Handle are two Tantus toys that offer a clear solution to the reach problem: a handle. It speaks for itself.

Hand Harnesses For Extra Push

If you need a little extra reach instead of a whole handle’s wort with a dildo, I found it was helpful to wear the Unicorn Collaborators Hand Harness on my fingers, palm-up, so I could insert a toy and do some thrusting with just finger movements instead of a lot of wrist and hand contortion to manage a base. I fell in love with it – here’s the review.

Doxy Die Cast

I love wands because they eliminate so many problems with reach during masturbation. Most recently I was basically married to my Doxy Die Cast for 3 years, because it is super quiet, SUPER rumbly, and just delicious to use. They’ve improved the design since I got my Die Casts, and now even offer a rechargeable option to keep the cords out of your way! The Die Cast is weighted, which can be enjoyable if you’re into feeling the weighty heft of a wand in your hand, but a total disaster if you need a super lightweight toy.

Magic Wands

If you are looking for a more lightweight wand, I’m testing the Magic Wand Mini right now, and I’m a fan! If you need a greater amount of reach from a longer wand, this isn’t going to be perfect for you (although Magic Wand Rechargeables are similar, but have longer handles!), but if you need a little extra reach and something compact and cordless, it’s quiet, powerful, and definitely worth trying out.

The SnailVibe

I was REALLY impressed by the SnailVibe – not only did I find the large, round handle easy to hold + thrust, and helpful with my reach issues, but it’s the first dual-stim toy that actually touched my clit when it was inserted. I’m sure a lot of other fat folks experience this, where our anatomy especially has NOT been considered by rabbit designers, and they’re usually all a disappointment. The SnailVibe blew me away – check out my review. NOW I GET WHY PEOPLE LIKE RABBITS.

Try Some Toy Mounts

Liberator makes several sex toy mounts that can hold your wand or dong in place, but there’s also a universal wand harness you can strap on things (the basic example is a pillow) if you enjoy grinding but the task of reaching and applying pressure with your wand is a hassle.

If you have a bathtub you can comfortably sit or lay in and you enjoy playing with water, the Waterslyde diverter could be just your speed! If you’re interested, be sure you check out this review from Carly of Dildo or Dildon’t; as a fellow fat babe, I trust her thoughts!

Fat Sex Positions & Positional Aids

The perfect fat sex position is really highly dependent on the preferences and anatomy of the people involved. For instance, I love doggie style, but my ass may impede partners with shorter penises from achieving the depth of penetration we desire. I like missionary with my partner holding my ankles over my shoulders, but depending on your flexibility and preferred depth of penetration, this, too, can be a tall order – which is why I love to tell people about positional aids that can help them have the kind of sex they prefer!

  • To adjust the angle of penetration during doggie style, try a position strap to change the angle of insertion to 45 degrees instead of 90.
  • A hand harness is fantastic if you’re struggling to find or use a suitable harness that goes on your hips and crotch – and something I find that NOBODY talks about with strap-on play is that if you have a large belly, it can be really difficult to maneuver your strap-on into your partner if the toy isn’t very long.

    Well fuck that issue, because now my small, short toys can be worn on my hand instead of my crotch. As a plus, it keeps my fingers from cramping up when I’m holding the dong! I reviewed this harness here.
  • Alternate harnesses are generally great, I recommend anyone interested give them a try whenever possible. I don’t typically bother with thigh harnesses, but I did notice Inclusion now makes a thigh harness that fits up to 40″ thighs when you buy a size B. I haven’t tried it, and I haven’t even measured my thighs – but if that size is an option for you, it may give you and your partner more seated sex options if your belly interferes!
  • Master Series makes a general harness that can be put on anything with a 34″ to 45″ circumference.
  • Sportsheets has a face strap-on, which can be gloriously up-close and personal, if that’s your style.
  • Sex toy mounts can free up your hands for other things!
  • Liberator sex furniture is a great help here.

My Liberator wedge/ramp combo was the best sex furniture investment I made in my 20s. They can be used together or separately for a wide variety of positions, sexual and non. I actually slept on my ramp most nights, because it provided a very comfortable incline that helped with my butt/back comfort, my GERD, sleep apnea symptoms, etc. If I had the money, I’d buy them again in a heartbeat.

Liberator’s “Black Label” line is all their furniture, but modified for BDSM with clip attachment points for restraints. I have been told they’re fine for light bondage, but may not hold up as desired to heavy bondage with a lot of struggle.

I’ve tried the Whirl, Wedge, and Ramp from Liberator. I would say since I owned the Wedge/Ramp, I didn’t really use the Whirl much, but its dimensions and shape offered firmer support for my hips than the edge of the ramp and wedge did. Some of it will also come down to preference – I didn’t find the “squared off” pillows of the wedge/ramp to be uncomfortable, but some people may prefer how the shape of the Whirl, Jaz, or Hipster more naturally fits with their body’s contours when they’re bent over.

If the wedge/ramp is of interest to you, but you lack the funds for Liberator’s furniture, you can find a TON of listings at different price points on Amazon for “medical wedge pillow” – here’s the 12in version I bought (and mostly just use for sleeping, if I’m honest) last year. I’d say it’s a bit less firm than Liberator’s wedge and ramp, so you may sink on it, but the foldability is a great space-saver. I’d say if you’re over 320 lbs and are concerned about the firmness to maintain desired elevation, try a different medical ramp pillow option presented instead of the Drive Medical Folding Bed Wedge.

Fat Sex Books

  • The works of the belated Xan West are some of the best depictions of fat and Disabled characters in kink that I’ve ever read. Their work is so humanizing and incredibly hot. Read Xan’s entire catalog – you won’t regret it.
  • Better Bondage for Every Body addresses a lot of important considerations like body size and Disability as well, but instead offers an instructional take on how to meet the unique needs of our bodies while also meeting our kink needs.

Thanks for reading all my recommendations, I hope they help y’all find new things you absolutely love!

If you have fat sex questions, feel free to hit me up on Twitter.

Photo by Dan Farrell on Unsplash of tumbled amethyst and carnelian stones surrounding a rough piece of quartz.
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