The bNaughty Unleashed

The bNaughty Unleashed Premium Wireless Bullet Vibrator is a remote-controlled vibrating bullet egg.  An egg.  The thing is enormous.  It’s longer than most eggs, but not quite as rounded.

To be honest with you, I’m not quite sure what they’re unleashing.  I have an original bNaughty (we’re talking about the corded classic before they did the redesign), and I don’t think the Unleashed offers much more power than the original.

Wait.  “Unleashed” as in untethered.  Got it.  Suddenly I realize why my expectations weren’t quite met.

But aside from being literally unleashed, the bNaughty Unleashed still isn’t especially powerful.  It comes with 7 settings: 1 – 3 are constant vibrations at different speeds.  4 begins by ramping up, vibrates constantly for a few seconds, then ramps back up from the beginning again.  5 is constant pulsing.  6 is the same constant pulsing, except faster.  7 is a constant vibration that begins by pulsing three times.  The vibrations are buzzy, and while they’re capable of getting me off when I use the vibrator clitorally, I wouldn’t call the ensuing orgasm “spectacular” by any means.

If you’re more into buzzy vibrations than I am, you might find that you have more fun with this toy.  The vibrations are also loud.  They aren’t Hitachi-loud, but they definitely aren’t whisper-quiet.  A lot of people imagine going out in public with a wireless bullet in their panties and the remote in their partner’s hand.  You won’t be doing that with this vibe.  For starters, the massive egg and its little tail would be inconvenient to shove in your underwear and keep in place.  But really, the biggest problem is the noise.  You’d have to go to a rave for the noise this thing makes to go unnoticed.

The vibrator is controlled by the little black remote.  The bottom button powers the vibe on and off, and the top button changes the vibration settings.  The little display is actually kind of neat – it tells you what setting you’re on by displaying a number in the upper-right-hand corner, and the little flower in the center of the display has different segments that light up in time with the vibration you’re on.

This vibrator just didn’t work very well for me.  Sure, I got off, but I didn’t enjoy it too much.  For starters, I have my clitoral hood pierced and had to keep repositioning the bullet so it didn’t rattle against my jewelry.  The egg’s tip is slightly pointed, which is definitely better than what you find on most vibrating bullets, but the tip still isn’t defined enough for me to really get the kind of pinpoint stimulation that I enjoy the most.

The vibrating egg also has a seam.  Two seams – one where the egg opens up to reveal the battery compartment, and one on the backside of the plastic strip that holds the batteries in.  You’ll need something very thin (a needle, maybe – a fingernail doesn’t get it all out) to clean the seam.  I don’t like the seam.  It would be one thing if the bNaughty Unleashed brought me to a roaring orgasm – that seems like a fair trade for the cleaning time.

I have another gripe, too.  It DIED ON ME.

I used the bNaughty Unleashed roughly three times, and not for very long masturbation sessions.  When I went to write this review, I fished it out of its bag (did I mention it comes with a little black pouch?  It comes with a little black pouch), went to turn it on, and nothing happened.  I tried replacing the batteries in the bullet and it still didn’t work.  I had to change the remote battery as well.  The device takes three batteries – the remote takes one A23 battery, and the bullet takes two N batteries.  Kudos on finding the most obscure batteries you can think of, bSwish.

Also, if you don’t have nails long enough to get under the remote battery, good luck fishing it out.  I had to wait until I had long nails again before I could swap out the remote battery… absolutely ridiculous.  Every inanimate object that I used in an attempt to pop the battery out was useless to me, yet the battery came out easily when I slid my nail under it.

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m a little resentful about the battery hubbub.  I can usually get at least 5 uses out of a vibrator before it starts to go south… usually many more than that, to be honest.  But this thing threw in the towel after three short rounds.  Does it just eat batteries?  Were the batteries that came with it just bad?  Who can say?

My ultimate verdict is that the bNaughty Unleashed isn’t for me.  It doesn’t blow my mind.  It’s just kind of “meh.”  If I want to use a battery-operated vibrator, I have a different go-to vibe that is buzzy, but actually feels really good.  My go-to vibe is also more quiet than the bNaughty Unleashed.  I’m not going to lie: it’s nice to have a wireless remote in your hand or beside you on the bed so that you aren’t constantly tethered to your groin, but most bullets that I have used have cords that are long enough for me to not feel too inconvenienced.  The remote doesn’t make this vibe worth it for me.  If you don’t mind the noise, the buzziness, and don’t require a TON of pinpoint stimulation, this will probably give you an orgasm if you’re in the market for a wireless vibrator… but probably not the best orgasm of your life.  I can think of some better uses for this vibe:

• Play a game of hide-the-vibe where your partner has to find it.
• Scare your partner by hiding it under their pillow and switching it on at bedtime.
• Scare guests by sewing a little mouse or snake costume on it and randomly switching it on to let it rattle across the floor.
• Baffle your housemates by leaving it on and hiding it somewhere so that they will periodically ask, “Do you hear vibrating?” and you can say, “Huh?”

Maybe I’m just an asshole.

A big thank you goes out to Good Vibrations for providing me with the bNaughty Unleashed Premium Wireless Bullet Vibrator to review!