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Dildology: Doing the dirty work so you don’t have to

Jelly Gems vibe: Piece of shit or colossal piece of shit. You decide.

My first vibrator was from Spencer’s. For the love of god, don’t get your sex toys from Spencer’s.  Try Lovehoney or SheVibe, Babeland or Good Vibrations, Tickle or JT’S Stockroom.  Order straight from the manufacturers, like Tantus.  Just not Spencer’s.  I know that Spencer’s carries fine products such as Jelly Gems and the Vibrating Tongue Ring (not an actual piece of body jewelry), but try to contain yourself. They apparently also carry some LELO and We-Vibe products, but for some reason they’re only sold online, which is so strange when you consider that Spencer’s is totally the FIRST place people look for quality sex toys.

I can’t even find a picture of my first vibrator and I finally threw it out (it had been sitting in a bag, unused, for four years) at the beginning of May.  It was orange, made of some bastardized material that was part jelly, part rubber, and it made my crotch itch.  It also didn’t get me off.  Like… ever.  I was too busy scratching away while I used it.  Its vibrations were mediocre, the shape was unimpressive, and the texture didn’t matter because the vibe irritated my skin a lot.

Why do I bring up my first vibrator?  Because what your sex toys are made of is important.  Shitty, phthalate-loaded sex toys are BAD FOR YOU!   Phthalates have been linked to a variety of health effects.  Rodents who were dosed with phthalates showed signs of hormone changes and birth defects.  Phthalates have been linked to breast cancer and endocrine disruption.  Will using a phthalate-loaded sex toy give you cancer?  There’s no conclusive research on that.  But given all the terrible things that phthalates are linked to, do you really want them in your body?  Check out this article by Dangerous Lilly: Yes Jelly Sex Toys can be Dangerous.  The wrong kind of sex toy can do more than causing an itching sensation.  Some toys can cause a reaction similar to a mild chemical burn, can peel your hands, cause swelling, and one commenter on Lilly’s post said that when she went to her doctor with issues, his best guess was chemical poisoning of her vagina.

So you might see, then, why many bloggers who talk about sex toys and sexual health encourage you to avoid jelly, rubber, and PVC/vinyl and to buy silicone from trusted manufacturers (like my first love, Tantus) as often as possible.  We want what’s best for you!  We want you to be able to make informed purchases so that you don’t have to see a medical professional who will tell you that you have given yourself rotties by using a terrible sex toy.  “But it was called Jelly Gems and Jelly Royales!  That insinuated that it was quality,” you protest.  Hush.  Don’t buy jelly sex toys, even if they allude to riches.

However, the novelty industry lacks regulation.  There is no FDA of pussy. Sex toy companies can stick a label saying “silicone” on pretty much anything.  Similarly, they can also label  a toy as being phthalate-free when it isn’t.¹  NO ONE IN POWER IS REGULATING THIS, FOLKS!  The only thing we can do is to try to be diligent.  Ask a reliable blogger (like me!) about sex toys… or better yet:

Ask Dildology.

is an unbiased, nonprofit organization created by X. Valentine Orenda, Crista Anne, and Dangerous Lilly.

Dildology aims to send sex toys to the lab for the materials to be extensively tested, and then they plan to maintain a public database of results.  Dildology will:

  • accept monetary donations.
  • accept product donations from third-party retail stores and wholesalers.
  • purchase products from third-party retail stores.
  • choose products to test based on community feedback.
  • send products to accredited labs for testing.
  • compare the material composition of products to the manufacturers’ claims.
  • share the results of lab tests with manufacturers.
  • record the results of the lab tests in our wiki.
  • make our wiki available to the public.
  • provide other educational resources to the public.

To read more about what Dildology’s intentions are and what they will and will not do, check out their mission statement on the main page.  To see a list of products that have been verified by Dildology, check out this link.

And most importantly: make a donation.

If you care about what goes into your body, Dildology is an investment in your health and happiness.

If you need further convincing, there are also incentives.  $15 will get you a one-time 15% off coupon code for US and Canadian orders at SheVibe.com.  $25 will get you the aforementioned coupon code and a Dildologist bumper sticker… which is just plain cool.  $50 will get you a T-shirt, the bumper sticker, and the discount.  Anyone who donates $100 or more between May 13th and May 31st will be provided with a one-on-one chat session with Lilly where she will work as your personal shopper to help you pick the best sex toy for your needs.   There are further incentives, and you can see them all on the donations page.  Dildology aims to raise $20,000 to purchase an initial 25 dildos to test, lab costs, testing equipment, and the merchandise needed to ensure that donors get their reward.

Dildology is finishing up their 501(c)(3), so your donation will be tax deductible!

While they will accept toy donations from third-party retailers and wholesalers, Dildology will not accept toy donations from manufacturers.  If you are a manufacturer and would like your product to be tested, you can donate the cost of the product, shipping, and testing and have the Dildologists test the product for you.

I promise you that your money will be well-spent if you send it to Dildology.  Seriously.  I, personally, promise that.  And they do too.

In honor of Dildology’s debut, I have donned my Amateur Dildologist hat (dear Dildology: merchandise idea!) and conducted a basic flame test of my silicone dildos.  I recorded it for you!  I’ve tested one silicone item I own from most of the manufacturers that I own products from.  Spoiler alert: They all passed with flying colors.

The dildos tested were:

  1. The Tantus Echo
  2. The Jollies Jollie
  3. The LELO Ella
  4. The Rippler
  5. The Diving Nun
  6. I forgot to record my Bad Dragon test, but the Xenogon passed.

So you’ve read this post, you’ve donated, and you’re psyched about Dildology… what can you do now?

You can share Dildology’s banner on your website!  If you donate, you can get a snazzy donor banner instead of the regular one.  (Shiny!)  You can also go check out the rest of the Dildology.org Blog Carnival Fundraiser!  I encourage you to read the posts that my fellow bloggers have come up with to promote Dildology!  They have a really noble goal, folks, so help us support them!

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  • May 14, 2013 at 8:52 am
    Dangerous Lilly

    That style of lighter tends to run hotter than most, so I’d actually suggest one of the disposable little lighters, but I do like seeing that these held up to this test! Way to go!!

  • May 14, 2013 at 10:01 am
    Dangerous Lilly

    Also? You rock. And thank you, so much, for doing this.

    • May 14, 2013 at 11:54 am

      Yes, the dildos held up very well to that lighter. I was a little worried that maybe I wasn’t doing it right, but I’m pretty sure the dildos tested were just that good.

      And thank you! I’m very happy to participate in this carnival. Dildology is great, and I really appreciate that you guys started it. 🙂

  • May 14, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    Would an FDA of pussy be regulating pussy or the stuff put into pussies? Hmmmm…

    • May 14, 2013 at 2:57 pm

      I like to imagine that they would regulate the stuff you put into a pussy!

  • May 14, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    I tryied to use a tempiture gauge with my test, but it stop at 475 🙁 anyone else have a better tempiture gauge?

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